DUMB AND DUMBER...

So I just realized that I had totally forgotten to share this story until I was uploading pictures on my computer Sunday night. I will preface this with there is a reason why you have to have a boating license and now I know why. Picture this...the Monday of Thanksgiving week I was home in Birmingham with my family. Over the summer my dad and Scotty purchased a pontoon boat and I have never gotten to see it or ride on it. The weather was going to be beautiful on Monday so dad had the boat put in the water and we planned a family day at the lake. We had picked up lunch on the way and so Teri and I were eating our Subway sandwiches while dad drove the boat. When we had finished out lunch and said why don't one of you drive so I can eat...my sister quickly jumped up and took the wheel. She looked at me and said "this never happens...he never lets anyone drive the boat." It was quite entertaining to watch my dad give her directions to where we were going because he would pick an obscure point of reference in the direction we were going and Teri could never figure out

what he was talking about. Needless to say there was much abuse taken at Teri's expense. Granted they were obscure references but I was always able to spot them. After a while I asked for a turn at the wheel. The pressure was now one....I felt like if dad referenced something I had to say "got it" in .8 seconds or I was going to be like Teri. I had great fun driving...especially getting to go much faster than Teri cranked it up. It came time to head back to the dock and that is where is got fun. Teri asked dad which pier he was going to park the boat at and his response was "I'm not the one driving the boat...KB, which pier are you going to park the boat at?" I knew he was only kidding but the competitive nature in me welled up and I said I can park this thing...no problem." Having been told by Teri that he normally doesn't let anyone drive the boat I seriously doubted he was going to let me prove my mad skills but as we approached the pier I was still in the drivers seat. AND THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE....I just want to say for the record I did an excellent job and couldn't have gotten more parallel to the dock than I did on my first try. However, it would be crucial to have lessons in the gear shifting prior to trying to park a boat for the first time. As soon as I was parallel to the pier with Teri hanging off the back end and dad hanging over the front, I hear dad yell..."put it in neutral"...I don't know how to do that so of course as I figure it out we have drifted a little too far past the pier. So dad yells..."put it in reverse." Something you should know about a boat...when it's in reverse it is not going to be obvious at first and back up quickly so I thought I must not have gotten in gear so I pushed the throttle down some more and boy did we go in reverse....problem being we will going quickly in reverse with the back end of the
boat tied to the dock. PROBLEM!! All I hear is dad yelling...Teri yelling and the cracking of wood that indicated we were about to pull the dock off the boat was about to be ripped apart. When all was said in done we were all laughing hysterically...I amost pee'd my pants. It was hilarious and both the boat and pier were in one piece. Like the title suggest though it was the story of dumb and dumber and I will let you decide which is which after the next story...

So we have secured the boat and gotten the cover put on and dad wanted to take us over and show us the trailor they are getting ready to buy on the lake. The currenty owners do not live there year round so we nosied around the trailor looking in the windows and walked down to the pier. The couple had just recently added a new deck on to their pier and so we were admiring it. Dad noticed their was a ladder built on to the end of the pier so he pulled it up to inspect it. I must say is was a quality ladder minus the nest of fish eggs that were attached to one of the lower rungs. Dad told Teri and I to watch out as he let the ladder go to fall back in the water. We both appreciated the warning so we didn't get soaked by the splash. As we were walking away we here "oh sh&*" and we turned around to see that the ladder has come loose from the pier and has now sunk in the water. I am laughing right now just thinking about it. Funny thing was that dad was closing on the contract that day so I asked him if he was going to call and renogiate the price and tell the owners that there was no ladder on the pier. Well in the Thomas family where there is a will there is way. Dad scavenged through the people's shed and found a rope and hook and went fishing for the ladder. When he finally got it he told me sister to get down on teh pier and grap a hold of one side and hold on to it until he could get down and help her pull it up. Guess what was on the side he has pulled up for her to grab...the nasty sack of fish eggs. I might have to go to the bathroom just thinking about it...I can still hear her just carrying on..."I am not going to grab that nasty ladder...I am not going to touch those fish eggs"...with dad responding just as loud "grab the da*& ladder Teri." Are you wondering what I am doing at the time...trying not to pee on myself and holding everyone's phone and wallets in case this situation goes south in hurry and people end up in the water. My momma didn't raise no fool! We, or shall I say, they managed to get the ladder out of the water and our day of adventure was brought to an end.

I can honestly say I have laughed that much with my dad and sister in a long time. Lucky for us it was a Monday and no one else was out on the lake to see all this stupidity take place...it will just have to live on in our minds. We're all getting older and our minds are that great which is why I decided to blog about it.