For all those who love Daizy already...

*this is also a long post I wrote on Facebook to help friends and family know what life will be like when we finally return to America. I posted this originally on January 12th thinking were coming home soon....now here I am posting it again on March 11th from Africa (still)

I’m writing this letter in high hopes that we are coming home very soon! That was wonderful to type. I thought because of the already existing relationship that Daizy and I had prior to her adoption that we could avoid this type of letter. The blessing of this time in Uganda has been the uninterrupted time we have had bonding and getting to know one another as mother/daughter. Up to this point I have been fun “Big Momma” who comes to visit in the summer and brings toys and candy. As you well know that isn’t the only description of “mom” and that part has been what we have had to work on. We are leaps and bounds ahead in attachment because we did know each other but for Daizy’s well being I will have to safe guard her time and interaction for a while. I know that all of you love us both and will be willing to do the crazy things I ask for just this short season. I promise it will be a short season and I thank you in advance for humoring me in all of this.

I’ve read many books and taken classes leading up to this day. One of the greatest resources has been other adoptive parents who have graciously shared their mistakes and victories in an effort to help Daizy and I transition smoothly. It would be foolish and prideful of me to dismiss that advice when it is in the best interest of Daizy. That being said here are some things I would ask you to keep in mind as we come home.

Adoption is a beautiful thing! One of the clearest pictures we have of the Gospel and our relationship with Jesus. But can I be honest and say it is also very hard. Adoption is necessary because of brokenness and loss. Daizy has already lost her mother and has now said goodbye to the rest of her family and friends. As fun and as exciting as America seems she still will have grieving to do. She is walking into a new life that is going to be very overwhelming to her. Everything looks different, smells different, feels different, tastes different...and that is a lot for a child to take in. For that reason it is my job to create an atmosphere of security and safety. We will be staying low-key for just a little while. If you read the books this is called the “cocooning period” and luckily we have done some of this during our long stay here.

I think I sold over 400 “and then came Daizy” shirts and even more people than that know her name and face. People I have never met know my daughter. Imagine walking into a new place where everyone seems to know you but you don’t know any of them. That is what Daizy is coming home to. So for a while we need you to love us enough to be patient in meeting her. She needs to know that I am mom and I provide for her...for now. That doesn’t mean if you see us out in public you have to avoid us but just be mindful that when you approach us you are a stranger to Daizy though you obviously are not a stranger to me.

For the sake of not rambling I am going to just paraphrase the wise words of my friend Jenny from the letter she sent family and friends when they brought their son home recently.

◾We will be living a quiet life for a little while with limited trips out and few visitors in for a while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared and nervous. By keeping our lives boring for a little while it will help Daizy to feel safe at home. This does NOT mean that we want to live in isolation. We will just limit visitors in our environment for a little while.
◾If you have kids that will be around Daizy often, it may be a good idea to prepare them that she looks different from them (and even different from me). And because of the unconventional road God has led us on she doesn’t have an adoptive father....and that’s okay! Different isn’t bad...it’s just different and if we were all just alike then that would just be boring.
◾As much as you all want to hug and kiss on Daizy and help me to spoil her, it is highly recommended that I be the only one to do that for a little while to help with attachment. Some of our hardest days so far are when she has had a lot of fun attention from other people. High fives and blowing kisses are okay but for a short time a “hands off” approach is best. Again...it will be a short season but this is necessary.
◾As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate attachment” and can mean they haven’t really attached to anyone. (I am hopeful this will be short lived because Daizy has attached to other care givers ins the past and she is also used to American teams coming to visit Acres of Hope.)
◾Please do not give her gifts or sneak her food. If anyone gets to give her fun things it needs to be me. As my friend Jena has told me many times “no one gets to out fun mom for now.” Again...some of our hardest days so far have been the direct result of this very thing. If she asks you for food simply direct her back to me. If she gets upset and needs consoling bring her back to me.
◾Many things about adopted children are just different than with biological kids, especially discipline. I know there will be things that you think are weird and I would just encourage you to keep your opinions to yourself for now. Trust that I am doing what I feel is best for her. Feel free to ask me why I do things a certain way and I will be happy to share most of the time.
◾Please pray for us. Encourage us. Know that as an adoptive mom I will be experiencing some of the same emotions as post-partum depression (already have). My world has changed drastically in a short amount of time....I wouldn’t change it for the world but it’s not always easy.

I am so excited that we will be coming home very soon. I cannot wait for all of you to meet Daizy and fall in love with this spunky kid like I have. Thank you for loving us through this journey so far. I appreciate your understanding in reading this letter to the end. Your commitment to helping Daizy adapt to her new life means the world to her mommy!

Being Sifted

*this was a note I wrote on facebook that I wanted to post here as well. Again, sorry for the re-run*


I've contemplated not writing this note because I'm not sure I can do the experience justice but it was too good not to share.

There are moments in life when Jesus leans down and tenderly whispers in your ear and I had one of those moments on Thursday night.

We were having our weekly bible study (I can say that because I've now been with the group for 3 weeks) with the night guards and the people they have continued to bring with them to bible study at Curt and DeDe's. This is such an amazing group of people that I'm learning so much from.

As we began one of the ladies shared that she had 2 really vivid dreams this week that she didn't know what they meant. Side note: I love that a dream didn't seem insignificant to bring up in this time. As she shared with the group my soul was so encouraged.

Her dream went like this: she left Uganda on a plane and people asked how she was able to go. (From our experiences you've now realized that leaving Uganda isn't an easy task). And she explained that before she could get on the plane she had to be sifted. In the dream she said she physically saw herself being sifted like flour. And that's how she was able to get in the plane...she must first be sifted.

It hit me. It was that tender whisper from Jesus answering that lingering question on why we are still here in Uganda. Why can't we get on the plane and come home? We are first being sifted. First I think there are some things that needed to be sifted out in me in this journey. But more importantly...what little I know about baking...a recipe will call for you to sift the dry ingredients together before adding them to the rest of the ingredients. This sifting is to make sure the flour, baking soda, salt, etc is well mixed to produce a flawless cake. You see, Daizy and I needed this time to be sifted together before we added everything else that will be part of our lives into the mix.

I haven't always been patient or happy about the wait (14 weeks and counting) but I've always known the time isn't wasted. I've missed 8 years of Daizy's life so I don't want to take a single day with her for granted. The sifting has grown in us a great love for one another, a great bond, a needed trust and dependence.

Thank you Jesus for giving a dream to a woman that I just met who would share it at a bible study where I would be...only you could orchestrate that scene to give me a small glimpse of why I'm "still here".

Observations of a New Mom

I originally posted this as a note on my facebook but wanted to share it here so that all our adoption stories would be together.
Sorry for the re-run....

I have been taking in some things over these last few months as a new mom. Many of you will read this and say "I told you so" or "I could have told you that." And the irony of all of this is that we haven't even made it home yet. These are in no particular order and are meant to be funny and light hearted. I am in no way complaining about my sweet Daizy. I have loved every minute of being her mom.

1. A child can be full after eating their plate of food but if mom has a drink or a plate they are suddenly hungry or thirsty for what you have. She always gulps down my drink if I let her have even a small sip...mom's drink it just better apparently.

2. There is no such thing as privacy. I cannot use the bathroom in peace. I have to lock the door and turn music on to get a moment to poop without company. She can be playing by herself for hours but let mom go in the bathroom and close the door and you better believe she will be standing outside the door calling my name.

3. On the same topic...if I need to use the bathroom while we are doing our bedtime routine of story and prayer you better believe this sweet girl will pray for everyone she knows by name.

4. It doesn't matter what time you put them to bed "I'm not tired"...but they will magically fall asleep if they just lay still for 5 minutes.

5. One bed time story is never enough. And my favorite response is "but mom it's a story about Jesus...just one more please?" They learn early how to manipulate and bat those beautiful eyes.

6. Changing clothes is great fun...so why not change clothes five times a day? What's laundry? (especially when you only have 5 outfits to wear)

7. They say the funniest things. Whether it be a funny statement or a made up word. My favorite is hearing songs she has heard and the words are all wrong but I love her little rendition even when it makes no sense.

Example: I asked her the other day if she wanted carrots for dinner (she hates carrots by the way) and she looked at me in distress and in most dramatic fashion and said "Oh Lord no mom"....where does she get that from?

Another example: We watched the movie ELF way too much over Christmas because it was the only movie I had on my ipad. She has learned English from watching ELF and that's probably not a good thing. She loves the shower scene where Buddy starts singing with Jovie. The line says "I ought to say no no no" but my girl says "I oxtaput no no no"...hey it's whatever. And my favorite is that she usually only sings it when she is in the bath.

8. If you play a game with a child you are basically playing yourself because you have to help them. Nothing like playing yourself. You win some and you lose some. Battleship may be the most frustrating to play with a child...especially when they keep moving their ships.

9. If you are in bed with a child it doesn't matter if the bed is a king or a twin because the spot they want is yours. She wants to be right against me or better yet right on top of me. (Lord help me...I hate sharing a bed with anyone)

10. The bathtub is the best babysitter ever.

This is just a start. I am sure there will be much more to come. Feel free to give your mom insights. They keep us laughing don't they?

Guardian Angels

I can't even begin to tell you all the ways God has provided for us on this journey. It's overwhelming to be honest. Family and friends have been used by God to make this adoption possible. All of this was before I even got to Uganda. When I headed to Africa on November 30th I had no idea that 14 weeks later I would still be here. I had a 12 week leave of absence from work with no pay so time was crucial...as time usually is in America. However, when you are in Africa there is no hurry. In fact if one more person tells me "be patient, there is no hurry in Africa" I might scream.

Part of the puzzle was figuring out where to stay for this long journey. With no income and living on the money I have in savings while still paying bills, car notes, insurance, etc. back home it was easy to see how worry would consume you. But oh how the Lord has graciously provided.

My friend SaraBeth put some feelers out for someone who might be willing to house me for two nights when I first arrived in Kampala. Within hours she connected me with The Penner Family. They graciously picked me up at the airport (very late at night) and housed me for a couple of days. Before I left to head to Nebbi Jena offered to let us stay when we came back to Kampala for the last part of the process. God bless the Penners for their kindness to us....none of us had any clue that when we arrived at their house in January that we would still be there 5 weeks later. There isn't anything worse than a house guest who long over stays their welcome. The Penners are a family of 9 and took in two strangers. When I realized that our timeline was indefinite we decided to give them a break. But our time with them was invaluable. The Penners have three kiddos from Uganda so I learned so much from Jena about hair care, about transitioning and so so so much more. I will forever be thankful for their kindness.

While we were in Nebbi we stayed with Pastor Geoffrey and his wonderful wife who I call Momma Joy. I was so well loved and taken care of in their home. Momma Joy heated my bath water every night. She spent long hours over a fire cooking for us. Life in Nebbi isn't convenient or easy. Our clothes had to be hand washed and Momma Joy would not let me do the laundry. We were with the Keronga's for a month. I got to spend Christmas with my Ugandan family and brought in the new year. I absolutely love this family and am so thankful for their willingness to host Daizy and I as we got to know each other as mother/daughter.

Our last stop has been a move to Entebbe with our friends Curt and DeDe. During my time at LC I really connected with Curt and DeDe's youngest son and his wife. I had met Brother Curt a few times. When I reached out to them on facebook about staying with them for a week or two they happily opened their door. Our stay with them has lingered but our time with them has been wonderful. We now have an adopted set of grandparents in Entebbe. They have loved us so well at a time when this mom needed a breath of fresh air. Daizy adores them and I dread the day we have to say goodbye even though I cannot wait to be home. We have felt so at home. We help cook and clean and have found a good little routine to each day. And I found some Downton Abbey watchers so we have downloaded Season 4 and caught up...yay!!

God has provided some incredible people for us to stay with along this journey...our guardian angels. I will never forget them and the role they played on our journey to becoming family.

Hair Evolution

So there is one thing that I couldn't really prepare for until I got here.
Daizy's hair.
Let's just be honest....I know nothing...correction...I knew nothing about black hair. There is a great website called "Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care" for moms like me. White ladies raising black babies. But until you can get your hands in that kinky curly hair it's just all theory. And let me tell you...the only similarity is has with white people hair is that it's located on top of our head. And then the similarities stop.

So here is what I have learned so far...
*you only wash chocolate hair once a week....sometimes only once a month
*you always wet the hair before combing it
*once the hair is styled DO NOT TOUCH IT
*when you're weave (hair extensions) itch you must pat your head...DO NOT SCRATCH
*when you hear the term "co-wash" it means that you wash the hair with conditioner
*chocolate hair can change drastically in a matter of hours

There is so much I still have to learn about products, combing, washing, styling but I figure I have years to get this down. In the meantime I have many friends with experience.

Here is just a glimpse at our hair evolution over the last 14 weeks in chronological order.

Let's just be honest....this girl can rock any hairstyle. We recently cut it all off to get it healthy again. It had been chemically straightened while we were still in Nebbi so we wanted to get a fresh start. I love her short hair and it has made my mornings so much easier.

Stay tuned....I am sure there are many new hairstyles to come.

Baby Daizy

One of my favorite movies is The Blind Side. It is one of those movies I go back and watch over and over and over. When I started the adoption process there was something in that movie that stuck out to me. When Michael graduated from high school all the parents were suppose to submit a baby picture of their kids to be shown when they walked across the stage. When Michael walked across the stage the cutest baby picture showed up on screen and the husband leaned over to his wife and asked where she was able to get a baby picture of Michael. She chuckled and said she pulled a picture of a black baby off a baby boutique add. Ha! Way to be creative mom.

I knew there would come a day when Daizy would graduate...
I knew there would come a day when Daizy would get married...

Both are occasions when having a baby picture for a slide show would be nice to have. Not to mention I had already grieved that I had missed my girl's baby years. I grieved that I would never know what she looked like as a baby. I grieved that I never got to rock her. So imagine my surprise when I met with Jjajja (her grandmother) for the first time and she brought pictures of Daizy as a baby. What a great gift. I am so thankful for technology where I could take a picture of a picture so that Jjajja could keep those pictures but I could enjoy them too.

Meet Baby Daizy

I will treasure this picture forever.

I was also fortunate enough to get pictures of Daizy's mother and father the same day. I am so thankful that as we talk about Daizy's life....where she came from...that I will always be able to share with her about her biological mother and father. I am not afraid of her past and her connections with her family. I am thankful for the gift they have given me and I want Daizy to always know who they are and to love her story...every part of it.

"Gotcha Day"

I've been unable to keep up with my blog since I have been gone. Sad times. But I wanted to make a meager attempt to catch up a bit on the last three months of being a mom. That is still crazy to type but it's getting more normal every day.

Recap: In November I was in route to Alabama to visit family for Thanksgiving. I had stopped for a few days in Hattiesburg to visit some dear friends when I got the call that we had a court date and I needed to be in Uganda within a weeks time. HOLY MOLY. Needless to say I did a U-turn and instead of proceeding on to Alabama I headed back to Louisiana to pack and get ready to bring Daizy home.

I got the call on Monday, November 25th and on Friday, November 30th I was on a plane bound for Africa.

We had our first court date set for December 6th but I quickly learned that things never really go as you plan in Uganda....especially when you are dealing with government entities. On December 6th we were left waiting at the court house from 9am until 5pm when we were finally rescheduled for December 17th. I remember how defeated I felt at that moment by this "setback" and my face must have shown it because my lawyer told me that this might be a blessing in disguise.

This picture was taken on our first court date.

On December 17th we returned to court in Arua and were seen by the judge for about 3 hours of questioning. I don't think I breathed the entire time we were in the judges chambers. He gave us a small hope that he might rule that day but then later told us to return on Thursday for the ruling.

On December 19th we returned to court at 9am. It wasn't until late afternoon that the judge scheduled us for the ruling. At 4:01pm Uganda time the ruling was read in an open court room and I was given legal guardianship of Ayiorwoth Daisy. (more on the spelling of her name later)

GOTCHA DAY! I finally had been given the ruling we had been praying and hoping for. For all practical purposes I was now Daizy's mother.

Here is a picture of Daizy not long after the ruling was read.

In fact I sent out a text message to many people that said "IT'S A GIRL. 4:01pm....40lbs and 36inches"...it was the most creative way to let people know it was official. Ha ha!

I thought after Gotcha Day we would be on a fast track home but that was not the case at all. It is now March 8th and we are still in Uganda waiting to come home. I will post more about this later. But this ladies and gentlemen was our GOTCHA DAY. The Thomas family est. 12.19.2013 and it was a good day!

And to top off how precious our GOTCHA DAY was....this was God's sweet gift to this new mom. Only God could orchestrate that one of my dear friends would be on the same continent...in the same country and then in the same town where we were in court that day. Terry, Sara and Emma came by the court house within 30 minutes of our court ruling. Terry and Sara were here visiting their parents, Curt and DeDe for Christmas. Thank you Jesus for this sweet moment and I will always cherish.