For all those who love Daizy already...

*this is also a long post I wrote on Facebook to help friends and family know what life will be like when we finally return to America. I posted this originally on January 12th thinking were coming home soon....now here I am posting it again on March 11th from Africa (still)

I’m writing this letter in high hopes that we are coming home very soon! That was wonderful to type. I thought because of the already existing relationship that Daizy and I had prior to her adoption that we could avoid this type of letter. The blessing of this time in Uganda has been the uninterrupted time we have had bonding and getting to know one another as mother/daughter. Up to this point I have been fun “Big Momma” who comes to visit in the summer and brings toys and candy. As you well know that isn’t the only description of “mom” and that part has been what we have had to work on. We are leaps and bounds ahead in attachment because we did know each other but for Daizy’s well being I will have to safe guard her time and interaction for a while. I know that all of you love us both and will be willing to do the crazy things I ask for just this short season. I promise it will be a short season and I thank you in advance for humoring me in all of this.

I’ve read many books and taken classes leading up to this day. One of the greatest resources has been other adoptive parents who have graciously shared their mistakes and victories in an effort to help Daizy and I transition smoothly. It would be foolish and prideful of me to dismiss that advice when it is in the best interest of Daizy. That being said here are some things I would ask you to keep in mind as we come home.

Adoption is a beautiful thing! One of the clearest pictures we have of the Gospel and our relationship with Jesus. But can I be honest and say it is also very hard. Adoption is necessary because of brokenness and loss. Daizy has already lost her mother and has now said goodbye to the rest of her family and friends. As fun and as exciting as America seems she still will have grieving to do. She is walking into a new life that is going to be very overwhelming to her. Everything looks different, smells different, feels different, tastes different...and that is a lot for a child to take in. For that reason it is my job to create an atmosphere of security and safety. We will be staying low-key for just a little while. If you read the books this is called the “cocooning period” and luckily we have done some of this during our long stay here.

I think I sold over 400 “and then came Daizy” shirts and even more people than that know her name and face. People I have never met know my daughter. Imagine walking into a new place where everyone seems to know you but you don’t know any of them. That is what Daizy is coming home to. So for a while we need you to love us enough to be patient in meeting her. She needs to know that I am mom and I provide for her...for now. That doesn’t mean if you see us out in public you have to avoid us but just be mindful that when you approach us you are a stranger to Daizy though you obviously are not a stranger to me.

For the sake of not rambling I am going to just paraphrase the wise words of my friend Jenny from the letter she sent family and friends when they brought their son home recently.

◾We will be living a quiet life for a little while with limited trips out and few visitors in for a while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared and nervous. By keeping our lives boring for a little while it will help Daizy to feel safe at home. This does NOT mean that we want to live in isolation. We will just limit visitors in our environment for a little while.
◾If you have kids that will be around Daizy often, it may be a good idea to prepare them that she looks different from them (and even different from me). And because of the unconventional road God has led us on she doesn’t have an adoptive father....and that’s okay! Different isn’t bad...it’s just different and if we were all just alike then that would just be boring.
◾As much as you all want to hug and kiss on Daizy and help me to spoil her, it is highly recommended that I be the only one to do that for a little while to help with attachment. Some of our hardest days so far are when she has had a lot of fun attention from other people. High fives and blowing kisses are okay but for a short time a “hands off” approach is best. Again...it will be a short season but this is necessary.
◾As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate attachment” and can mean they haven’t really attached to anyone. (I am hopeful this will be short lived because Daizy has attached to other care givers ins the past and she is also used to American teams coming to visit Acres of Hope.)
◾Please do not give her gifts or sneak her food. If anyone gets to give her fun things it needs to be me. As my friend Jena has told me many times “no one gets to out fun mom for now.” Again...some of our hardest days so far have been the direct result of this very thing. If she asks you for food simply direct her back to me. If she gets upset and needs consoling bring her back to me.
◾Many things about adopted children are just different than with biological kids, especially discipline. I know there will be things that you think are weird and I would just encourage you to keep your opinions to yourself for now. Trust that I am doing what I feel is best for her. Feel free to ask me why I do things a certain way and I will be happy to share most of the time.
◾Please pray for us. Encourage us. Know that as an adoptive mom I will be experiencing some of the same emotions as post-partum depression (already have). My world has changed drastically in a short amount of time....I wouldn’t change it for the world but it’s not always easy.

I am so excited that we will be coming home very soon. I cannot wait for all of you to meet Daizy and fall in love with this spunky kid like I have. Thank you for loving us through this journey so far. I appreciate your understanding in reading this letter to the end. Your commitment to helping Daizy adapt to her new life means the world to her mommy!