real talk

I want to preface this blog with a warning that if "real talk" and being vulnerable makes you uncomfortable please do yourself a favor and skip this entry.

Now that that is out of the way I want to share with you about something that for most poeple is socially taboo to talk about. Not sure how or why our society decides that some things are worth hiding, not talking about, etc. One of those is depression.Pretty much my whole adult life this is an issue I have dealt with openly and because of that I have recently had several friends ask me lots of questions as they have found themselves in a season of depression. First let me say...depression is common. If you struggle with depression, diagnosed or undiagnosed....you're normal. Okay...maybe not normal but who defines normal?? I'm not normal and I am embrace my uniqueness. My life has always been an open book and because of that I was able to recognize the signs of depression quickly through the love and support of friends who saw with me that I just wasn't myself. There is a lot to be said for knowing yourself, being honest with yourself and surrounding yourself with people who love you and will be honest with you.

So why am I writing this blog...because depression is something that so many people suffer with silently when you don't have to! My hope is that someone out there reads this and realizes that things can be different. So I will just answer some of the most frequently asked questions I get from friends...

Q: How did you know that you were suffering/struggling/dealing with depression?
A: Unless you are doing something about your depresion you aren't dealing or struggling with it....you're only suffering from it. But to answer the intention of that question...I just didn't feel like myself. Hopefully you are self-aware to know when you are off. I didn't enjoy being around people. I was a person who thrived under pressue during grad school and yet found myself easily stressed by things that normally wouldn't phase me. I made excuses to isolate myself from others because being with people just took too much energy.

Q: Did you go to counseling?
A: I never went to counseling because I thought that was shameful and expensive. Looking back now I would have....there is a reason there is a profession for counseling. Part of actually dealing with depression is unpacking all the things that got you in a slump...counselors are trained in helping you unpack that mess.

Q: Did you take medicine?
A: YES! YES! YES! For any of you who know me I am an advocate for medication. If something will help me get well, whether that be a headache, diarrhea or depression...I am all for medicine. I finally broke down and went to see my family physician and can honestly say its the best thing I ever did. At the time I was seeing a Christian female doctor who took time to sit and listen to me...asked lots of questions and help me explore options.

Make sure you see a physician you trust! My doctor realized that medicine would help get things leveled out but she didn't let me off the hook. She told me that in the long run medicine would only mask the real issue. She challenged me to do some soul searching to make sure this wasn't a spiritual issue. She also told me it was obvious that I didn't know how to set boundaries for myself when it came to work, family, friends...and unless I learned to set boundaries and learned some coping skills that I would have to stay on medication forever. I didn't realize until years later how valuable this information was to me at the time.

Q: Do you still take medicine?
A: I don't. I took depression medicine for about 2 years and once I had set boundaries for myself and learned to say no as well as learned ways of coping with stress, fustration, disappointment, failure...I was ready to wean off medicine. Not everyone can do this and it doesn't make you a terrible or weak person if you need medicine long term. Fortunately I have been med free for over two years and am doing well. When I know I have a stressful time coming up...for example the crazy three weeks of Wildcat Welcome Week I just went through...I have to be intentional to get adequate rest, eat well, ask for help when I need it, spend quality time in the Word and so on. I even found a great product from Advocare (a vitamin and nutritional supplement company) called "Clear Mood" that I take as needed. It works wonders and is a natural herb.

A side note on medication....if you choose to go this route know that there are lots of medications out there for depression and anxiety. Just because you start with one doesn't mean that is the best one for you. It may take a while to find the right medicine or the right dose. Listen to your body! Medicine it there to help...if you're taking something that makes you feel worse talk to your doctor. If your doctor doesn't listen to you...FIND A DIFFERENT DOCTOR!

Praise the Lord I am in the healthiest place physically, spiritually and emotionally that I have been in years. One of the things that was the hardest about dealing with depression was feeling unnecessary guilt. I felt like a terrible person that I was a believer and was struggling with this issue...where was the joy of the Lord I was suppose to swimming in? The Lord doesn't always explain why we go through things but I can assure you that he used a long season of depression to refine me and draw me closer to himself. When Paul says in Romans 8 that the Lord works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes for them...he means it, I've experienced it...not just with depression.

My hope and prayer is that this real talk from a real person may just help someone realize they aren't alone.

T-shirt fundraiser

I am getting ready to place the first order of t-shirts to raise money to bring Daizy home. Let me know if you want one! You can choose between teal or yellow or get both for a bargain :)

T-shirts are available in adult small through XXL. The shirts are a 50/50 cotton blend so they shouldn't shrink and they are super soft. If you pre-order by Tuesday of next week I can order youth sizes as well. We tried getting toddler sizes but no such luck. Sorry.

Shirts are $15 or two for $25.

If you are out of town I am willing to mail them if you would be so kind to add a few dollars for shipping costs. Shoot me an email to place your order and make sure you include the size, color and your address. kbthomas@lacollege.edu

Checks can be made payable to KB Thomas and sent to 403 Cross Street, Pineville, LA 71360

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO JODI MARTIN FOR THE SUPER CUTE SHIRT DESIGN!! Jodi also did the letterhead, envelopes and took the picture in my support letter. If you ever need any design work done....letter head, business cards, shirts, etc....I know who you should call!

Thankful Thursday

I feel like I should start with the most obvious thing first on this gloomy Thursday...

I am thankful that Pineville managed to elude Hurricane Isaac. We were expected to get pounded from the hurricane and so on Monday afternoon our administration decided to cancel school starting Tuesday morning until next Tuesday after Labor day. Not only am I thankful for an unexpected week off work to get some things done around the apartment...including required reading assignments for my home study. Not only has the time off been productive but Isaac took an east bound turn and all we got was minor wind and rain. I lost power for about 6 hours but it was a fluke thing with a limb that fell when it was sprinkling. Praise the Lord we were spared but I am praying for all those who were not so lucky. On the 7th anniversary of Katrina our new friend Isaac tried showing off.

I am thankful for the required readings I have been assigned for my home study...even though its a good bit I am learning a lot and being forced to think through issues that I might not otherwise thought about until I was thrust in the middle of a parenting "crisis".

During our "hurication" I spent our first afternoon off exploring some local hotspots in Alexandria with Jodi and Christian. We had lunch at Kitchen Warehouse (super yummy) that specializes in pressed sandwiches and sweet potatoe chips. The highlight of my meal was the new soda I tried..Brown's Black Cherry soda...hmmm!

Right next door to Kitchen Warehouse is Atwood's Bakery....they've been featured on the show Cupcake Wars on the Food Network if that gives you any indication how yummy their treats are. Christian and Jodi had never been there so we decided to have dessert. I got banana pudding gelato and though this is not helping my weightloss journey it sure did a lot for my soul.

so all that to say I am thankful for good friends, fun adventures and delicious local treats!!

I'm thankful for the bag of donated clothes I got from a friend/co-worker of little girl clothes. Daizy now has clothes in her closet. And my personal favorite shirt is the "I love my dog" shirt...let's hope thats a true statement.

Hope you can find many things to be thankful for this Thursday!

a day of trying new things

I've thoroughly enjoyed blogging over the last few years but yesterday I was featured as a guest blogger for 127 WorldWide on orphan advocacy. If you want to check out my guest entry you can see it here

www.127worldwide.org/restoring-hope-kbs-journey

I also went to lunch with my dear Cliff who is back from China for a few weeks. In the last few years I have come to love sushi and am opening to trying to kinds...so Cliff introduce me to the viva vegas roll and it was simply AMAZING. It might be my favorite. Here are pics of Cliff and I oohing and awwing over our viva vegas roll...

*and let's just be honest...I love this pic because for the first time in a while I could see results of weight loss. happy day.

Thankful Thursday

I've seen an idea similar to this on other friends' blogs and thought I would give it a try...at least for today because there is so much that I am thankful for. After three insanely busy weeks of work I have had time to catch my breath and realize just how much I have to be thankful for...

These are in no certain order:

*A self starting timer coffee pot---it's the little things in life like coming downstairs in the morning to already brewed coffee

*To go along with the coffee....I am thankful for finding a good creamer that just makes my mornings happy. Currenlty I am using York Peppermint Patti creamer so its a little taste of Christmas early.

*this summer I was introduced to a devotional called "Jesus Calling" and was given the app on my phone as a gift from a dear friend...EVERY MORNING I am amazed at how perfectly timed these little nuggets of goodness are. I have since gifted several friends with the app and I have found the kid version for Daizy when she gets home.

*I was given a gift certificate for a 60 minutes massage which I cashed in on Tuesday and man am I thankful for that opportunity to just be pampered for a morning...thanks Jodi!

*The other day I made homemade salsa and though it has given me wretched heartburn I am thankful for the ability to buy fresh foods and inheriting a gift for cooking from my dad!

*Coming off three really great weeks of preparing and implementing our new student orientation I am so incredibly thankful for the AMAZING STAFF I got to work along side....they were fabulous and in two weeks time became an extended part of my family. In fact the name "Big Momma" has now made it to America and will forever be on LC's campus

*I am thankful for words of encouragement...sometimes in this LONG weightloss journey I cease to be able to see results and at the right time I see someone who showers me with compliments at how good I am looking and though I am not doing this for the praise of men it is nice to know people can see a difference especially when I cant

*along those same lines...I am thankful to be able to walk into Old Navy and for the first time since the store opened I am able to buy pants off the rack!! That's huge for me.

*I am thankful for the new blanket I got for my bed that makes getting out of bed incredibly difficult

And last but certainly not least I am thankful to be back to working on adoption stuff to get Daizy home. Last night at LifeGroup one of the sweet kiddos asked me if Daizy was going to start coming to LifeGroup with me next year. This little feeler got a little sentimental just knowing that my friends are talking to their kids about Daizy coming and my whole church family is excited about getting her home. Even better was that Gracie and Anna saw a black baby doll on Walmart the other day and insisted that Amanda buy her because she looked like Daizy...and so she did. All that to say...I AM THANKFUL FOR MY GATHERING PLACE FAMILY AND FOR MY LIFE GROUP!!

Daizy update

All things adoption got pushed to the side the last three weeks but I am back to it now. I am $10 away from having $4000 raised....PRAISE THE LORD!! Thank you for all who have given, sent encouragement and prayed.

I am working on all the paperwork that has to be completed before my first home study interview. That's a grueling process but so worth it. My references have been contacted and the social worker is working on all my background checks. I had to submit every city/state I have lived in since I was 18. When I asked what constituted living she said 3 weeks which meant every camp I have worked, summer missions etc...all had to be included for a grand total of 18 locations including one international location. OH JOY.

So paperwork is going....fund raising is exploding and in the mean time I am patiently waiting and asking the Lord to prune me so that I am ready to be Daizy's mommy.

Here is a picture one of my teammates sent me on Friday of this past week to wish me a happy day...I think Daizy is ready to be a the poster child for the LC wildcats.

Love.

While I was Away...

I received a text message from my sister yesterday informing me that she knew I had been busy but now that welcome week was over I was long overdue for a blog post. PUSHY PEOPLE. I have been silent the last few weeks because I have been working my hind parts off. Part of my responsibility as student activities director is hosting our new student orientation....and it is quite the production. My 8 years of working FUGE paid off the last three weeks as we planned an elaborate little welcome week for our new freshmen. The first week of August I spent with my two assistant directors, Emily and Jodi...who are wonderful by the way. We hashed out details and got as much planning as we possibly could done before the rest of the staff arrived. The 2nd week was spent with our staff of 30 building a set, learning dances and skits, making videos, planning groups times and rec times...you name it. This week of planning was filled with 18 hour days but man did we have fun. I have 29 new kiddos in my family now and I love them all dearly. In fact the name Big Momma has officially made it to MERICA. Not only does my Uganda team call me that but now 29 orientation leaders and even some of the freshmen have picked up on it. Not going to lie....I like it! And then our third week was actually spent with our 325ish new freshmen. Here are some pics of our week...

Here were their binders and shirts waiting on them when they arrived Sunday.

The set coming together...complete with a waterfall and a volcano. Our theme was SURVIVOR.

Only the best W3 staff ever sitting at Tribal Council

The volcano side of the stage...that actually had a fog machine and strobe light inside it because we're cool like that

Keeping spirits high on mooooove in day

Big Momma takes on the mechanical surf board...and didn't get hurt!!

Sunday morning student led worship...and I am in my first goal dress at -37lbs down.

Me after the movie night skit where I played a grandma...and this is my boss, EJ

One of our two awesome logos that are too good to throw away

You can see we had a blast! And I'm pretty sure the freshmen had a great time too!

UPS and DOWNS

Well I have good news all the way around this Saturday morning. I have officially hit 35lbs down on the scale this morning. The next two weeks will be insanely busy and full of food I didn't prepare so I am trying my best to prepare for it and not set myself back on the scale.

That was the down. The scale is going down and its a beautiful thing to see!

Now for the up.

I have been getting support letters ready to send out for Daizy's adoption. I put on facebook the other night that if addressing support letters was an Olympic sport you'd be reading the status of a gold medalist. Aint that the truth. In two nights I have written and addressed close to 160 letters. If you're reading this then you probably have one coming your way :) Here's the exciting news....just from writing a few blogs about Daizy and nothing else...I have already received $2,710 from friends and family. I am blown away by the way the Lord is providing to get Daizy home. Thank you hardly seems enough for your support...both financially and through your prayers and encouragement. Keep it coming, we're running a marathon here that is only just beginning.

Happy Saturday!