real talk

I want to preface this blog with a warning that if "real talk" and being vulnerable makes you uncomfortable please do yourself a favor and skip this entry.

Now that that is out of the way I want to share with you about something that for most poeple is socially taboo to talk about. Not sure how or why our society decides that some things are worth hiding, not talking about, etc. One of those is depression.Pretty much my whole adult life this is an issue I have dealt with openly and because of that I have recently had several friends ask me lots of questions as they have found themselves in a season of depression. First let me say...depression is common. If you struggle with depression, diagnosed or undiagnosed....you're normal. Okay...maybe not normal but who defines normal?? I'm not normal and I am embrace my uniqueness. My life has always been an open book and because of that I was able to recognize the signs of depression quickly through the love and support of friends who saw with me that I just wasn't myself. There is a lot to be said for knowing yourself, being honest with yourself and surrounding yourself with people who love you and will be honest with you.

So why am I writing this blog...because depression is something that so many people suffer with silently when you don't have to! My hope is that someone out there reads this and realizes that things can be different. So I will just answer some of the most frequently asked questions I get from friends...

Q: How did you know that you were suffering/struggling/dealing with depression?
A: Unless you are doing something about your depresion you aren't dealing or struggling with it....you're only suffering from it. But to answer the intention of that question...I just didn't feel like myself. Hopefully you are self-aware to know when you are off. I didn't enjoy being around people. I was a person who thrived under pressue during grad school and yet found myself easily stressed by things that normally wouldn't phase me. I made excuses to isolate myself from others because being with people just took too much energy.

Q: Did you go to counseling?
A: I never went to counseling because I thought that was shameful and expensive. Looking back now I would have....there is a reason there is a profession for counseling. Part of actually dealing with depression is unpacking all the things that got you in a slump...counselors are trained in helping you unpack that mess.

Q: Did you take medicine?
A: YES! YES! YES! For any of you who know me I am an advocate for medication. If something will help me get well, whether that be a headache, diarrhea or depression...I am all for medicine. I finally broke down and went to see my family physician and can honestly say its the best thing I ever did. At the time I was seeing a Christian female doctor who took time to sit and listen to me...asked lots of questions and help me explore options.

Make sure you see a physician you trust! My doctor realized that medicine would help get things leveled out but she didn't let me off the hook. She told me that in the long run medicine would only mask the real issue. She challenged me to do some soul searching to make sure this wasn't a spiritual issue. She also told me it was obvious that I didn't know how to set boundaries for myself when it came to work, family, friends...and unless I learned to set boundaries and learned some coping skills that I would have to stay on medication forever. I didn't realize until years later how valuable this information was to me at the time.

Q: Do you still take medicine?
A: I don't. I took depression medicine for about 2 years and once I had set boundaries for myself and learned to say no as well as learned ways of coping with stress, fustration, disappointment, failure...I was ready to wean off medicine. Not everyone can do this and it doesn't make you a terrible or weak person if you need medicine long term. Fortunately I have been med free for over two years and am doing well. When I know I have a stressful time coming up...for example the crazy three weeks of Wildcat Welcome Week I just went through...I have to be intentional to get adequate rest, eat well, ask for help when I need it, spend quality time in the Word and so on. I even found a great product from Advocare (a vitamin and nutritional supplement company) called "Clear Mood" that I take as needed. It works wonders and is a natural herb.

A side note on medication....if you choose to go this route know that there are lots of medications out there for depression and anxiety. Just because you start with one doesn't mean that is the best one for you. It may take a while to find the right medicine or the right dose. Listen to your body! Medicine it there to help...if you're taking something that makes you feel worse talk to your doctor. If your doctor doesn't listen to you...FIND A DIFFERENT DOCTOR!

Praise the Lord I am in the healthiest place physically, spiritually and emotionally that I have been in years. One of the things that was the hardest about dealing with depression was feeling unnecessary guilt. I felt like a terrible person that I was a believer and was struggling with this issue...where was the joy of the Lord I was suppose to swimming in? The Lord doesn't always explain why we go through things but I can assure you that he used a long season of depression to refine me and draw me closer to himself. When Paul says in Romans 8 that the Lord works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes for them...he means it, I've experienced it...not just with depression.

My hope and prayer is that this real talk from a real person may just help someone realize they aren't alone.