Perspective

The last few days I have just been cranky....not really sure why. Little things that people have said and done have just irritated the mess out of me. I guess I should have expected that after looking back in my journal and seeing some things I have specifically asked the Lord to do in my life. After reading a devotional the other day from Jesus Calling about how easily we can put people in our lives above Jesus, I just asked that the Lord would help me not to do this with the friends I lean on the most.

Here's the reality, it's easy to run to people we can see and touch when things go wrong...or even when all the world is going right. We want a reaction, we want affirmation that we don't have to tune in intently to get. There are some key people in my life that fill this role when Jesus is desperately wanting to be the one I want to tell at the first sign of good news or trouble. I fail at this daily but I am trying. And here's what doesn't make sense....He never fails to meet my expectations. In fact, Ephesians 3:20-22 talks about how Jesus will always exceed my expectations. When friends don't respond to your text meesages immediately or at all or they are busy with their own lives to be concerned with yours, you are left feeling empty and hurt. Unmet expectations suck.

And while I have found myself being cranky lately because of unmet expectations...in the most gentle of ways Jesus has helped put things in perspective. When I get frustrated it's because "MY" expectations aren't met...."MY" wants and needs are attended to....when it's not about "ME"....this lesson coming from a particular song I've listened to several times lately.

Before you gasp....yes, I have been listening to Christmas music already. There is a song on Shane and Shane's Christmas album called "Born to Die" and it is such a great reminder not only of the sacrifice Christ has made for me but the way I am suppose to live my life...dying to self and living for Christ alone. Those dots may not be perfectly connected through this blog post, but for me this morning it made perfect sense.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

When the babe was born, in a manger on the hay, God saw the veil torn, He saw Good Friday.
He was born to die.
Gold laid before the Christ, incense, His presence is sweet. Mur to signify victory o’er death’s sting.
He was born to die.
It came in a dream, to Joseph late one night, that Harrod sought the King but could not take His life.
He was born to die.
He said, “You don’t take my life. You won’t take me life. You don’t take my life, I lay it down.”
We came here today to celebrate His birth. Let us not forget why Jesus came to earth…
He was born to die.
He was born to die.

@TheEllenShow

Never a dull moment in my world.

On Thursday morning I saw a tweet from @TheEllenShow saying that if you wanted to win tickets to see Taylor Swift on the Ellen Show then email TayloronEllen@gmail.com
I immediately took a screen shot and sent it to my friend Andrew Bates who LOVES Taylor Swift. Andrew sent an email to win tickets, but I got to thinking "now Ellen loves a good story" so I decided to email as well and tell them about how much Andrew loves TSwift. I was shameless. I told her how he taught orphans in Uganda how to sing her songs and had their dream date planned out. I even included pictures and asked Ellen to make this college seniors dreams come true.

After I sent my email I decided to send a tweet out from my student activities account telling the freshmen in Andrew's welcome week group to email the address on his behalf. Within 24 hours about 40 people had either emailed or tweeted to tell Ellen to pick him for the show.

While sitting in the office on Friday afternoon addressing postcards for Mom's Weekend, Andrew checked his phone and just said "oh my goodness"....and I asked what was wrong. Andrew said "we just won tickets to see Taylor Swift." I didn't believe him until I read the email myself. Unfortunately we had tickets to see TSwift on the Ellen Show but no way of getting there.

Since Friday we, and by we I mean numerous friends and students, have been blowing up Ellen's twitter trying to get her and Taylor to fly us to the show Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed! I am choosing to believe that Ellen is going to call me today.

It all started with a hope of getting Andrew to meet Taylor Swift but now it's become an obsession for me to meet Ellen and tell her Daizy's story. If anyone could help get my sweet girl home it's Ellen (or Oprah).

best plan B ever.

Sometimes my plans just don't work out the way I thought...ever been there? This weekend was one of those times and so I had to come up with Plan B and let me say it was the best plan B ever.

The last weekend in September I was suppose to go to the beach and due to some unforseen problems we didn't get to go. I had been saving up to go shopping in Foley to get some new "smaller" clothes. Not only did I not get to enjoy the beach, some seafood and time with my family...my shopping trip was cancelled.

Over fall break my friend Amy got me all excited about going outlet shopping in Shreveport and then that fell through.

This past weekend I was suppose to go to Oxford, MS to see my friend Blake and go to the Auburn vs. Ole Miss game. Once I realized it was over an 8 hour drive and I would have to get a hotel room for two nights these free tickets weren't going to be so free. My seats weren't even with Blake so in reality I wouldn't get to spend much time with him at all. My sister and I finally had to make the call that the trip just wasn't worth it. After seeing the score of the game that was a good call on our part. War Eagle anyway!

So I began looking for new plans to get my shopping trip in...finally. So this weekend I went to stay with my friends Matt and Megan. I had so much fun this weekend. Friday night we went to see Matt's high school team play football in Independence Stadium.

Though the cowboys didn't win we had fun at the game and got a great picture out of it. After the game we went to TGI Fridays for dinner....I LOVE THAT PLACE!

Saturday we got up and headed for The Boardwalk in Shreveport so I could finally do some shopping. I cannot even tell you what a great feeling it is to be able to shop off the rack in stores like The Gap, Banana Republic, etc....I thoroughly enjoyed myself. My goal for the day was to get some new clothes and find things I normally wouldn't wear. Among many other things I wanted to brave buying a pair of colored jeans....mission accomplished.

Red skinny jeans....who would have thought. Pretty much everything I bought was a new look to my wardrobe and I am pretty excited about it. Daizy even got some new clothes from the GAP thanks to their clearance rack of summer clothes. My little diva is going to be styling and profiling this coming summer.

On Saturday evening we went to the LaTech vs. Texas A&M game.....man what a game! Both teams were ranked in the top 25....22 and 23 to be exact. We were cheering for the Tech Bulldogs who didn't win but played a heck of a game. I gotta say though....my favorite part of the game was seeing Texas A&M's band at half time. Wow! What a show. I love A&Ms traditions.

Here are some pics from the game...

I'm not really sure what this face is about. I am realizing that I cannot be serious for a picture. And then there is the next picture where I was doing the hand sign for the dawgs and Matt refusing to throwing up a dawgs sign. You can take the boy out of LC but you can't take LC out of the boy.

So after a great weekend catching up with friends, getting some new clothes and eating some good food I was headed back home where some happies awaited me. I asked two of my students to apartment/dog sit so I got home and not only found a happy dog but these two pics they had made for me. One was on Daizy's bed and the other was on my bed. Can a weekend get any better? I think not.

new clothes

Well I still have a LONG way to go in this weight loss journey but I have finally lost enough weight that getting some new clothes was a necessity...not just a luxury. When you can't keep your pants up even with a belt on then you know it's time to get some new clothes. Yesterday I finally put on pants that "fit" and it was wonderful....even better to be in smaller sizes. I even went out on a limb and bought some things that normally aren't my style but sometimes you have to live a little. Here is my steal of a deal that I got at Old Navy...

Looking forward to even smaller sizes when Christmas rolls around. Yay for sticking to goals and seeing results.

Tuesday Rant.

Well I have officially hit the afternoon lull where I am no longer productive at work. Usually Christian, my assistant, is here in the afternoons and he is a task guy so he pushes me through the lull...he's not here today and you see what I am doing??? blogging. This is only after laying on the couch in our lobby talking to our student worker and another co-worker and thus where the rant comes from. We got to talking about the household things that we despise doing and oddly enough we were in total agreement.....

putting away laundry!

Why? Why is this such a difficult thing to do and yet somehow the clothes make it from the dryer to the couch...then to a chair...then to a basket and up to the bedroom where they sit for a few more days. When I finally need something out of the basket I get irritated that the item is wrinkled and sometimes I just take the basket and wash it or at the very least stick it back in the dryer. Anyone else with me???

I was watching a talk show about time savers the other day and this was one of the things they talked about...putting clothes away immediately from the dryer. I have lofty ambitions but it just never happens. Vicious cycle!

I also despise unloading the dishwasher. Love loading it becuase I love when the sink is empty and then you realize they didn't really go away....they just got relocated. Ugh.

Woah is me....I should be thankful that I have clothes to wear and dishes to eat on and food that requires a plate and what do I choose to ponder on?? complaining.

Bottom line the irritating thing is that it never ends and thus is life. End rant.

So guess what I am doing tonight???? Folding clothes and putting them away while I watch my favorite shows on tele.

santa claus is coming to town....or is he?

So you just never know when you'll be called upon to solve world problems. Yesterday while in the shower getting ready for church was when the need to solve one of these giant problems came about. I am not even sure what spurred the thoughts but I haven't been able to let it go...what is that you asked...

SANTA CLAUS...

When Daizy gets home and the holidays roll around how do I want to handle the Santa Claus issue. If you are reading this blog and still believe in Jolly Ole Saint Nicholas well here is your spoiler alert...he's not real. I never dreamed I would be the mom even contemplating this issue. I grew up believing in Santa and loved it. I never thought there would come a day where I would consider not allowing my children to believe in Santa....and then came Daizy.

Daizy is old enough to remember Christmas time before life at Big Momma's house. If you think about what we tell children about Santa this could cause all sorts of confusion for her. Here is an excert from wikipedia...

According to a tradition which can be traced to the 1820s, Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, with a large number of magical elves, and nine (originally eight) flying reindeer. Since the 20th century, in an idea popularized by the 1934 song "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", Santa Claus has been believed to make a list of children throughout the world, categorizing them according to their behavior ("naughty" or "nice") and to deliver presents, including toys, and candy to all of the well-behaved children in the world, and sometimes coal to the naughty children, on the single night of Christmas Eve. He accomplishes this feat with the aid of the elves who make the toys in the workshop and the reindeer who pull his sleigh.[6][7]

Good children get gifts from the fat guy in the red suit and naughty children get nothing...or a lump of coal at best. So how do you explain that to a child who probably never got anything for Christmas? For the first five years of her life were she and all her friends in Uganda naughty children? Do you see the dilemma here?

However, I don't want to be "that" mom with "that" child who ruins the fun for everyone else. The last thing I want it for Daizy to be the whistle blower at school that Santa isn't real.

Where is the balance? It's a fun tradition but it is not the reason for Christmas and that is what I want Daizy to love and celerate...the birth of Jesus!

Needless to say I haven't solved this problem but I am interested in your traditions and how you have chosen to handle the Santa issue with your children. Ready, go....give me your insights wise women who read this blog. Even if you are not a woman or not a mother feel free to comment. I give this disclaimer...I will not judge you for your handling of Christmas traditions if you do not judge me for whatever I decide to do with Daizy.

So tell me....is Santa Claus coming to town?

fundraiser this monday

asking the hard questions

Well as you know yesterday was my second home study interview. Just the fact that I am blogging about it so quickly should tell you that it went well. In fact....it couldn't have gone better. I had been dreading the 2nd one because of all of the emotions and processing that came with the first interview. On the other side of it I can say it was worth it!

I was just talking with a friend last night and we laughed about selling shirts or at least making some for ourselves that said "adoption is not for sissies"...amen? This process is tough. Nothing about your life is left unexposed...especially the raw emotions that are stirred up. But, here is what I am discovering....being asked the hard questions isn't a bad thing. Hard questions aren't bad questions. What came of two hours of being grilled with hard questions was sleepless nights of processing, praying and digging my heals deep in the pursuit of bringing my daughter home. Though I was rattled I came out of it more resolved than ever!

Going into the 2nd interview I think I was far more prepared for the hard questions and they didn't seem so hard. I was prayed up and the Lord was kind and faithful to reveal His nearness to me that morning as I got up to seek Him before the sun came up. There is a confidence that comes when you can truly grasp that the God who created the universe is on your side and holds all things together.

So here was the hardest question I was asked....and let me tell you when the social worker prefaces the question with "I hate asking this question...this is a hard one" you know you need to brace yourself. So here it was..."what if this process doesn't end the way you want...for whatever reason let's say Daizy doesn't come home."
(gulp)

With tears in my eyes I was able to honestly answer this questions because for a week now it's all I have thought about, prayed about, cried over...
If we compare this process to a pregnancy then you could say I am well into my 2nd trimester. I am emotionally invested not only in this process but I am invested in Daizy. I have prepared my heart and my home for her...she is a reality in my life. I have prepared her room. Her closet has clothes in it. Her pictures hang on my walls. At this point there would be grieving if this process did not end with her coming home. To be honest I don't know how long that would take or what it would look like. Just as if I lost someone I was close to....I would have to take it one day at a time. Each day would be a decision to get out of bed and try to get back to life as I knew it. It may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years. But life would have to go on. And if this process didn't end the way I would like it to it doesn't mean that I misunderstood the Lord. Moses never got to see the promise land but it didn't release him from leading the people and going through the journey to get there. So here is what I have discovered....I am not defined by my family, or what I do, or my failures NOR my successes...and my identity is not defined by being Daizy's mom. Not having her here would be hard but my identity is found only in Christ my Savior and the Bible tells me that he is unchanging, unshakable and is quite capable of healing my broken heart.

It's been a hard couple of weeks...but good ones. I am in a relentless pursuit to bring my daughter home and I can't say thank you enough for your love, support and encouragement.

Here is a new picture I got of Daizy yesterday...enjoy.

only me...

Do you ever have one of those days where you quickly realize you were better off just staying in bed? Well Thursday was that day for me. I woke up around 3am not feeling well. When the alarm went off just a few hours later the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed and go teach CC100 (student orientation class). To make matters worse we were talking about the student handbook that morning....because everyone gets up on a dreary Thursday morning saying "man I can't wait to learn about the handbook!" #saidnooneever

Unfortunately there isn't really a back up plan if you're sick for CC100 because no one can step in and teach the material and if you cancel class then that group of students just doesn't get the material. Needless to say I got up and got ready to teach class only because the plan was to come home immediately after class and go back to bed.

Before class started that morning I went to use the restroom and that's when it was confirmed I should have just stayed home...
As I was walking into the stall my jacket pocket got caught on the latch to the stall so when I turned to lock the stall door my pocket pulled the door quickly towards me. Unfortunately the hook for your purse was at eye level and so I poked myself in the eye pretty violently. In fact...it startled me more than it hurt me but it just kind of took my breath away. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN...seriously??? Only me!

Worry not....no black eye, eyeball is still in tact but I can assure you I will not be using that stall again!