Dear Daizy,

Right now I am sitting in your room…a room that has been especially prepared for you my sweet girl. It is full of love, life and colors that make me think of you. I am sitting on your bed with Matti who has no idea how her world is about to be rocked. Who knows if you two will even like each other but I have come to realize if that is the greatest obstacle we have to overcome we are doing okay. Know this…she will be jealous because you have stolen the heart and affections of her momma. When I think of all the things I want to tell you, that I want you to understand, I just find myself at a loss for words. The best place to start is with I LOVE YOU. You’ve only been part of my world for a short time, but I love you sweet girl. Watching you play and color and even watching you cry there is no doubt that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are the very definition of hope. Through no fault of your own you were the victim of circumstance. I don’t know your whole story but just knowing that you have never known the love of your mother makes my heart ache. I can’t give you back your mother but I can give you the love that you deserve.
I wish I could explain the story of how “we” came to be but I still haven’t quite figured it out. I had no idea the day that I drove to Acres of Hope for the first time that the Lord had something this big in mind for us. I was excited about seeing a dream come true….that being a safe place for children to live where they would be fed and have a bed to sleep in and told about Jesus. Though that dream came true so did another. Big momma has always desired to be a mom and known that adoption was in the future and with a look into your big beautiful eyes the future was closer than I knew. I can’t explain how the Lord was working to bring us together but my heart tells me every day that it was meant to be.
Here is what I am learning through this season of preparing for you my girl….
The months leading up to our meeting were some interesting ones. Through living life with friends who are married and who have kids I have realized that being married and raising kids is a lot of work. You haven’t gotten to see television or movies and you’re probably better off that way. You see the people who make tv shows and movies make life look easy and everything always turns out right…..everyone always get along…everyone has everything they ever need or want. Unfortunately this isn’t reality. Somewhere along the line I think I bought into “that” reality and when I started seeing real people doing real life and it wasn’t easy I wasn’t sure I wanted to sign up for that. I always told people that I wasn’t called to singleness and that I wanted to be a mom…. that God would take those desires away from me if that wasn’t his plan. The last several months I got to a place where I was okay with the idea of singleness if it meant not being with someone who brought out the worst in me instead of the best. And I doubted myself if I could be a good mom and so it was easier just to be content with not being a mom and settling for being a really fun aunt kabes to come kiddos you are going to get to know well. To be honest being this content was kind of scary because I thought maybe God was taking those desires away and then came you. Just the other day as I was thinking about this very thing and processing all of this here is what I wrote….

“And then there is DAIZY! Who knew besides the Lord that the last few months of discovering contentment in being single and motherless were part of the emptying process that He (God) would use to make my heart perfectly at home with a 5 year old. The love and hope in her eyes make me a better person. When I fear that another person would bring out the worst in me---I find a child who naturally draws out the best! She taps into my soul to a place that is willing and able to sacrifice, serve and love others more than I love myself. I would dare to say that I need Daizy more than Daizy needs me. Something about adopting this child as part of my family seems so right and yet makes no sense at all….and therein lies the hand of a mighty God orchestrating a love that only He could.”
People ask all kinds of questions about you and to be honest some of them I can answer others I can’t. I want you to know that in pursuing you I am not settling or choosing plan B for my life. The journey we are on was chosen by our heavenly Father from the beginning and because he knows that I would screw it up he is just now letting me in on that plan. People ask me if I am ready to be a mom and I want you to know that I don’t know what I am doing 100%. I know that I will do anything I can to show you love, to take care of you and most importantly to make sure you know who Jesus is and how much he loves you. As you grow up I want you to know that our story is a Jesus story. People ask me why adoption and I want to show them your picture and say “WHY NOT?” but the truth of the matter is that our story paints such an accurate picture of the gospel. One day when we least expected it Jesus chose us to be his own. We didn’t deserve it. We didn’t choose him. God chose us, adopted us into his family….called us his children and gave us a rich inheritance. So I want you to know Daizy that we have a story to tell and if our journey ever becomes about us….about you alone or about me alone…we missed the greatest opportunity for Jesus to use us to make God’s story known. That’s how much he loves us that he would use us to tell his story when anything and everything in creation could do that….he is letting us be part. And the bonus in all of that is that we also get each other. Just like you already make Big Momma better….with the help of Jesus I will be what you need in a mom to bring out the best in you too.
I’m ready for you to be home sweet girl. I can’t wait for you to see your room and meet your new friends…Noah, Brayden, Mercy, Anna Grace and Allie and even your friend Titus who I haven’t met yet but who is the only friend that will look like you…..and all the big people (adults and college students) in Big Momma’s life who are going to overwhelm you with love. Your aunt Teri is already crazy about you. There isn’t a day when I don’t have a conversation about you with someone and they all want to meet you and so I promise to ease you into your new life slowly. Until that day comes…I LOVE YOU and I am praying for you. I know God is preparing us both for this life-changing journey and in his perfect time we’ll be sitting in your room together reading Dr. Seuss and getting tucked into bed. Until then….